Who talks and who listens???

In a world where there are makeups and breakups at every corner of the road, what does it mean to give in... to walk right round the corner..just to make someone happy. Who has the breakpoint in a relationship?
The dynamics of relationships baffle me completely. Do we always keep turning tables ... like taking turns to be mad at each other or giving a cold shoulder. How much time are you ready to invest.. just to stay angry with someone and try really hard to absolutely not let your emotions take over. Does this mean .... every reason you get to be to be angry lets you have the breakpoint ????
If you ask me .. it really consumes a lot of time and sucks all the energy outta me. At one point I am begging for drama and the other ... I'm just glad that life is monotonous and fight-free. Boy do I like to do things to the extreme. With me everything is extreme.... xtreme emotions ... xtreme love ... xtreme work. The only thing I lose out on is ... xtreme fights.
I admit... I am a sucker when it comes to taking a stand ...fighting for what I believe in... I end up feeling I am blowing things out of proportion for no apparent reason. I feel really apologetic.. however lame that sounds ... I cant win a fight with someone I really care about. I always go back. Gosh it hurts even to admit it.
I was always taught to dissolve my ego and now I feel I 'm losing my self respect. I need a reason to stand up again ... for myself and for every fight I've lost..the ones I gave in just to not lose someone I love. If any more ... I'm just gonna end up losing myself.

Lost
me.

And this is why I love America

He announces, "bus 240 going downtown thru route 50" and a visually impaired woman climbs in. God bless America for passing the ADA law which makes transportation provisions for the disabled.
The concept of the kneeling bus helps easy access for wheelchairs. I would say it sorta gives a sense of power and accomplishment to someone who didn't believe it was possible. I cant even get myself to think how it would be possible in India. Being able to go wherever your heart desires without feeling crippled.

Every day on my way to college, the bus stops at Loretto..its a home for the aged. A bunch of oldies get in .. they can barely walk .. they absolutely amaze me. Last week a golden retriever(guide dog) got in with his master. It sat right under her seat. Cute ??? It was more than that. The responsibility of guiding a human being was just wow. This just doesn't limit to public transportation. Its everywhere ... the concept of automatic doors and restrooms for the handicapped. If only my grandmother were here.. she would have loved to go around like this.
Then again, it may seem a little sad that the oldies have no one to drive them around. But think again ... they didn't do it for their parents and they don't expect it to be done for them. Moreover, they love being on their own. Its their freedom and they completely use it. I love these free spirited Americans. . and I love America.

Good to be back

Here I am .... back to writing. I thought the change of template will bring back my inspiration..Should it be a significant post ??? I don't think so. I've wasted all this time so that I could write something important ...something amazing. Now I don't remember how I felt on my first day of grad school .... I don't remember how I felt when I went to party for the first time in USA ... I don't remember how my ass felt when I fell on ice .. oh wait I remember that part.. it was numb. But I still don't remember what I felt about the winter ..or the spring.
And now all I know is ... I am obsessed with my nails. I don't care about putting on those extra pounds and I am going through a lot of emotional crisis.

p.s. back to blogging about absolutely insignificant things.

Lost it

Firstly I swear I don't get time to write ..... I really try to.. I pretty much have so many things to write about .. Each time something happens and I feel I should write about it on my blog. But it just doesn't make it to the computer. Now that my inspiration is gone, I am not sure if I can write anymore. The words just dont come to me. Sigh.

Waiting till it comes back

P.S. Winter Season is almost over ... so I guess its time to take out the snowflakes effect from my blog... I survived through it and boy am I glad. Looking out from my window I see the ducks swimming in the pond and having a good time. Birds chirping and flying away. Dog owners walking their dogs. I see people(trust me you long for it) .. jogging, walking etc...It makes me really happy.

Being Ethical

10/10 to do the assignment on my own. I feel rewarded. Its weird how the education system works here.... they sure do keep you loaded with stuff ... so If I need to do this the right way ... then I need to get back to studying for my quiz tomm. Bye see you later.

p.s. I am glad I am honest..

Janhavi Parab
Grad Student

Busy Experiencing...

Each time I thought of putting an entry ... I chose to live the next moment and surprisingly these chain of happy events have not ended yet... so as to start reliving them through an entry in this blog. I will be back ... I need to finish my homework.

love,
J
p.s. my life has become brand new ... looks like its gonna take some time to be old again .. loving it.

Sucker for Romantic comedies

Falling in love .. over and over and over again .. each time with a different line .. each time sounding to you a little cheesy and cliche but it makes my heart skip a beat. Goose pimples come crawling up and I go sinking into my bed .. I've never felt more cozy.
I can watch a movie like a million times ..right from start ..... just to come to that one part that reassures my faith in love... where the struggle ..the innocence.. the cowardliness ..the desperation.. breaks into something so bold and empowering.. this hope is what keeps me alive. Love.. what a feeling.. its good that they've given it a name coz now I can define what I feel.. I know I have that disease coz I know I suffer from it. It makes me happy .. it makes me lose myself completely to someone who I hope deserves it.. :p
I cant help but relate or relive my life stories through these movies .. and as hopeless as it may sound, I try to find my answers to relationships through them. Now you may think its only a movie and I think so too but it lets me live in this world which is so wonderful.
I know Life is hard ..and I know people are not always nice ... and I know you think I am a complete idiot but this is how I plan to live it .. blindfolded and happy.

P.S. Dont try and wake me up..I'm having a beautiful dream.

Signed,
Cinderella

Seven Deadly Sins

Wrath is consuming my time
Greed not letting me stop mine
Sloth for I shamelessly eat it
Pride coz I have to beat it
Lust that I've overcome
Envy is making me a bum
Gluttony hence all that fat

Ahh been there done that. Nexxttt.

P.S Stay away ... this one bites.

Wake Up Sunshine

He who rises and falls
reaches a new level zero
For the heights were high
and the lows got dimmer

Falling down to earth
cutting through the clouds
no plan A .. no plan B
just the end in sight

He who trusts one
bears the brunt with tears
for no one is no one's
and its only you and your fears

Crippled on the ground
wrapped up with pain
memories so hard to erase
with all the fuzzy lanes.

He who lets down his defenses
not a smart thing to do I say
coz there will be one such foe
who'll take the chance any day

So know yourself and love yourself
coz you live just once
listen to yourself ..and listen deep
give your voice a turn.

They teach us to be kind, they teach us to love
then where does it all go with time
Don't forget to be human, give if you wish..
but in the end its only I,me and mine.

The one who falls, will rise one day
for pain is all said and done
He'll know that trust has no rewards
its like gambling to live and burn.

Signed
Hurt poet

Mee Janhavi Parab boltay!

Truth, Where is the truth? Who'll tell me the truth ? Did the leaders really write history? Or was it so craftily altered that the truth passed away with the martyrs. A classic example, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, man of principles, a great leader, father of the nation ..now that's what the teacher told me. I recently uploaded some pictures on Facebook of Mani Bhavan, where Gandhiji resided everytime he visited Mumbai. The feeling of being a proud Indian had surfaced each time I scanned through the portraits and letters signed M K Gandhi. The experience felt real and touching. I really thought that people would share the same feeling, but their remarks were astonishing. People hate him, they really do hate him... now where did all this arise. So much animosity towards a hero. Was their opinion based on facts... did they really know what they were talking about.. did I miss a lecture in my history class where all this was covered! I was not ready to get dis-heartened yet, I wasn't going down without validating my beliefs.

And then my friend Google and I went on a trip ... trip down the history lane. Going through videos(by Gopal Godse himself), Nathuram Godge's speech at trial, FIR reports, blogs, surveys, articles, movies.. for almost a week. I watched "Me Nathuram Godse Boltoy" a Marathi play which shows his point of view as to why he killed Gandhiji. You end up believing him in the end but I was still unsure to let go of my paragons.

This whole exercise was to have an opinion about the leader, to take a stand. Sadly, the information seemed too ambiguous to me. Did Gandhiji say "Hai Ram" while he was dying .. or was it "ohhh"(cry of pain) or as the FIR Report says it was "Ram Ram" or the book says "Hai Ra..Hai Ra". History couldn't even get that right. Did Gandhiji want partition, the movie says he was reluctant but people say he was pro-partition!! Did anyone see us all living as ONE country if the partition didn't happen..Hindu- Muslim bhai bhai. Really? Why couldn't we just give the man a break and consider the circumstances and the pressure he was facing.. Poor old man. On the other hand the fight about Non-violence...what is that? Now according to Martin Luther King,Jr and few others.. it worked. But wouldn't the British mind killing Indians for another 100 years, if it weren't for the World War II. So what ..now we thank Hitler. Is he our real hero? And then there is the Khilafat movement, the 55 crores, the support for Muslims, hurting hindu sentiments by calling Swami Shraddananda's muslim killer, a patriot, making Nehru the PM and trillion other things that are repeatedly remarked.

Its breaking my heart to face new facts every single day, and bit by bit.. I realize that the truth has been altered, so I decided to stop my fanatic search. So many people..so many opinions .. so much aggression and for what.. he is dead now. He didn't ask to be on the notes or as road names.. Please stop swearing at him ... he did die for the country you know..he made sacrifices ..they all did. He had the power, he lead the people .. Dandi march, boycott, strikes an then people died for the freedom struggle..for the country ..for us ..must be something he did right.

He was only human, so let him rest in peace. Nathuram Godse saheb had an opinion, I truly respect it .. but you weren't there.. you didn't face it, you didn't feel it, you didn't fight for it. Sit at home, watch TV and have a sound sleep. I stand to fail ..to have an opinion. I don't want to have one. So stop jumping at me and telling me what to believe. I believe in Truth and it doesn't look like its out there.

This topic is not open for any comments about Gandhiji. Enough is enough.