Live

If you wanted to lie .. cheat ... hurt ... break ... do it, do it now before its too late. We live our lives by the rules atleast I know I do. We decide whats right or wrong according to our society. They set the rules .. we follow it. ..Why can they decide when they are not accountable? I got home from bangalore and as per the tradition .. I went down to the jogging track to meet my doggy friends, Bappi, Bappa and Polly ... well Bappi and Bappa came wagging their tails and then "along came polly". He used to be this brown lazy dog ..always sleeping. really always sleeping. This time I saw him .. he was white ..no not coz of hair dye .. but he had aged. His life is so short .. he'll probably pass away the next time I come here... but it made me sad. It made me really sad and I thought "Are WE making the most of it? " For all we know we will all turn like the polly's of the world and pass away .. sleeping away through all the things we could have done. If today you think you should have done something .. which was wrong .. crazy .. or inappropriate . do it. Do it before you have regrets later. Go tell the guy you liked him, go kiss your girlfriend's best friend, apologize to the broken heart , live in with the guy you love, have a one night stand, say yes to the relationship you thought was wrong. Get out of denial and live it the way you want it. Life really is too short .. ma childhood , ma teenage ..all done..and now adulthood ... does that really matter? I get flashes of pretty much everything that I have to do .. a want to revolt back to "being taken for granted", a need to be taken seriously , to quit being the "damsel in distress", to stop saying "pity me pity me", to forget about caring too much and put yourself first.. I think I'll execute it one day ... If that's what it takes to have no regrets then I think we all should.

Signed
Awakened Me

Have you felt anything lately ?

I looked at the pile of dust being accumulated while my maid was still in the process of sweeping the floor. I looked at it aimlessly and then got over that act and continued to get ready for office. It was only a while after, I realized my diamond earing had fallen off .. and then I looked back at the pile of dust hoping I'd find it there .. It had disappeared. The maid had already disposed it all ... Do you ever look at things and you get flashes of scenes that could possibly happen, you choose to ignore and next thing you know ..your regretting it. I somehow get it all the time, I have broken a full bottle of ketchup, got robbed off a cellphone and pretty much anything else that can be broken, stolen, dropped, dis functional or lost.. to this feeling. I used to think I could talk to God ... weird as it may seem .. I really did believe in it ..moreover I trusted it. Each time something flashed and I chose to ignore it ... It became a reality ..as though he was mocking me for not listening carefully. His existence became way clearer and louder with the face of my dad telling me.. "I told you so". Does it happen to you or is it just me and the "chemical locha" in my brain. Still trying to figure out, if its really him .. or my conscience or the countless yellings from my parents , that I have lost confidence in doing anything right the first time. For quite sometime I looked at it as this "Super Natural" power I had. Dunno if you would believe this .. when I was my tomboy kid self, the only reason I was in the cricket team is coz I would plead, pray and beg God to get the batsman out in next three balls. It actually happened ..may be it was our classic team bowler but I always knew I was pulling the strings. Seems rather funny now when I think about it .. but those were the days when you could get away by believing in unicorns and santaclaus..Did you ever feel you made some thing change in your life ... you know, like you knew what would have happened and that you cheated fate. May be it was just your fate to cheat fate...now how would you validate that! I guess life tells you something in its own ways .. whether good or bad that depends..there are signs everywhere.. try listening to them.. you may not have all the answers but you'll be happy to feel that you altered the future.

Signed
Hallucinated me

Karma - Breaking the belief

What goes around, does it really come around ? ... when bad things happen to you .. do you ever think you might have done something wrong to someone before .. Well yesterday I was standing in a queue of this food mart..waiting to be billed. The one ahead of me needed change, well to send "goodness" back in the world and hoping I'd get it back someday ...I gave up all my change. Next thing I know the cashier didn't have any change left for me....for all the good you do. Then again, what goes around, does it really come around? I was sitting at the airport waiting to board .. this chick comes to me and asks me to look after her baggage till she uses the ladies room. I agree, coz you know ..she thought I looked like the trusting type or may be like the dumb type coz she plans to blow up the airport ..I'd like to think otherwise. My flight announcement and I go running without a second thought. I am all settled in my seat when I see her coming right at me..I had just ran off leaving her bag unattended ...for once I was relieved that I didn't leave it, at the mercy of other victims who would die. But the guilt of breaking her trust just kept growing as she took those steps towards me. She went for the seat in front of mine. What a relief .. with a smile of embarrassment I said "I am sorry, did you find your bag?". She smiled back. All settled. So you may think .. her reclining seat was not too much of a recliner, it was broken making it fall right on me. I only realized that when they announced "Please keep your seat upright!" but this seat wouldn't budge. I don't break rules ..so with my seat upright and hers right at my face .. I had a squashed flight to Bombay. I hope you could picture it well ... But you sure cant picture the backache. What goes around, may be it does come around! So what would you do to break the cult? Be nice, always do the right thing ...smile when you get burnt? I believe ... always try to do good , go out of your way .. if its practical . Your heart will let you know, when you did wrong. Don't try to be God, but don't forget to be human. After all this , if you still couldn't break the evil...it would at least make you a better person.

Signed,
A God fearing Woman

If i were a boy

I Swear I'd be a better man.

Happy Thanksgiving

Define Thanksgiving: Its a time to give thanks for the harvest and express gratitude... fine .. now define harvest : To take or kill (fish or deer) for food, sport, or population control. Hmm .. They celebrated thanksgiving in true sense. In this case it was humans.. not for food , not for population control ..just SPORT. So my sincere thanks to all the terrorists, for all the good deeds they did today on this auspicious occasion of thanksgiving. Thankyou for destroying lives of many innocent people, thankyou for spreading terror in the minds of indians.. thankyou for killing the foreigners ... they definitely needed that .. how dare they enter India and expect it to go unpunished. Thankyou for bringing hell on earth and thankyou for taking so much trouble to plan all this. You have done this on so many occasions but I guess you just didn't get enough recognition. Well my sincere selfless gratitude for all the effort and time you took to make this a grand success. You Win. We are broken, we are hurt, and we are sorry. If this is what it takes to stop violence, so be it.

The day my hair went red

Impulsiveness: Impulsiveness is a type of human behavior characterized by the inclination of an individual to act on impulse rather than thought. It was a decision to do something I would never do. I wasn't designed to handle any independent or real life situations for that matter. But I decided to let go. I wanted to know how life outside my house, outside Bombay ..and outside my comfort zone feels like. It's been a year and half in Bangalore and I never got myself to go anywhere except my house and office. It was a shame but I was prepared to live with it. And one day a plan to go to manipal with my room mate and friends...changed everything. I took the bus .. a ten hour journey.. and my famous stomach pains came back to haunt me. The same reason I have been using to bunk school, go home early after college, not attend weddings etc etc etc.Anyways. Manipal is a very small town .. which would hardly be a 2km stretch and all it has is a university. I was settling down in the place ..what would be more relaxing than a trip to the parlour. Looking at the shockingly .. shockingly cheap rates .. I decide to get my hair streaked red. But it wasn't about the color, it was a desperate need to change something in my monotonous life. Strike 1#: As long as its your hair, you can take chances. A night out at the pub ...a test of time . to finally test yourself against your views on "peer pressure". A whole round of drink was sponsored just for me...It was new, it was free and bunch of people screaming your name to get you to drink that one shot of kamikaze was just the attention you needed. what would you do .. your totally in the party groove..they want you to drink ..no parents , no one to question you .. no one would know in the future and you can still keep the status of "Thanks, But I don't drink". I... didn't drink ..Strike 2#: I wont say I took the high road coz its purely a personal choice. Just stick to what you believe in. A trip to the beach .. walk by the shore has been a fantasy but a dip in the sea was extremely horrifying for the fact that I cant swim. Strike 3#: No point in trying to do something new when it costs your life. And I was out .. out of the place, out of my comfort zone.. a not so painful journey back to life I had kept on hold.

The Game Of Life

It all started with chain emails of office friends to have a "potluck" party on Saturday afternoon. Everything was already planned even the dish I was suppose to make. Hmm , I have zero confidence in making anything from start to end on my own. All I had to do is make "Jaljeera" ..did you know it has some million ingredients and half of them I haven't even heard of. Anyways so, like a wuss, emailed back saying I'll help my room mate making shahi paneer but no jaljeera. So we reach the venue the next day and surprisingly everyone had turned up. It already was a hit. After a few laughs and meet with old colleagues.. we all sit down to eat. Hmm .. there was kheer ..my fav.. well here, they call it "paisam". I think that's the only thing I ate for lunch..man.It was brilliant. So now we decide to play "The Game of life". This was the first time we opened it and no one knew the rules..so I like a smart ass offer to read them and direct everyone. In case, you haven't played this game before, you have to initially choose between the route of "University" or "Business". Everyone chose the university way, having a stable job getting 50,000$ per month. I took up business not for the love of it ..just for the fun of it. Every "pay day" I got mere 12,000$. I definitely had made the wrong choice and I obviously wasn't rocking at the game. I was always second last .. coz the wheel of fortune would fetch me the lowest possible numbers. And it was all coming to an end, by now, everyone had become a millionaire and waiting patiently until I play my last few steps just to decide who came in last. Here is where it gets interesting, I land on this box which says "The day of reckoning". I receive 48,000$ * (The no of children I have) = 48000*3. Of course, I had three children..Jesus,I would rather have three dogs than having three children. Anyways,I also get either of the following choices:-
1). Go ahead to come in second last place, become a millionaire, count all my money and be declared a loser in the end.
2). Put all my money on a number and spin the wheel, to get that number, become a millionaire tycoon and win the game.
Come on, I chose "Business", of course I acted like a super-woman and put all my money on a number which was "4".(No affiliation to the number). And guess what happened when I spun that wheel..oh God, no I didn't go bankrupt. I actually won..I won "The Game of Life". Who knew I had any clue how to make so much hypothetical money. And I also learnt something about myself .."Business and Me"..never ever gonna happen."

Millionaire Tycoon
J

The big 'N' 'O'

Define 'NO': No is an English word indicating rejection, disagreement, refusal or making a negative response or exclamation..hmm well how to say NO to people is an art I still haven't mastered. When he asks you "Would you come out with me?" how do you say no without hurting his feelings. I mean it seems impossible ,especially when the person in front of you fails to read the signs and you know for sure he is definitely not mature enough to understand the complexity of a girls mind ..coz mostly the reason she would say "Yes" is not coz she likes you, or is playing hard to get but only coz "It is easy". Its easy to say yes coz it still maintains relations, saves you the trouble of not feeling guilty for making someone feel bad, and may be you'd just might have a good time .. so where do we draw the line? When do you know if you are just being nice or your being taken for granted ?? If your looking for an answer here ...stop reading right now coz I swear I dont have one. But the truth about my life at this point of time is "dependability and obligation". Fighting with these two words ..I have had sleepless nights and my morale has gone to level subzero. The way they are intertwined is very interesting, If you depend on him, you are obligated to him. So where is the room to say NO. When do you claim that you are not using the person, your just depending on them and if the person expects more from you then he is just using you back. So who is the bad person here ? If you depend ,it makes your life easier but if your obligated ,it makes your life hell. How do you choose? In case you do , how will you justify it? You know what I did .. I chose myself. Life is too short to find out the answers to things that will only harm you, so go ahead, say NO and face the consequences coz trust me, you might be hated by few, but trying to keep everyone happy is just not worth it!

Signed,
Me, Myself & I

She is a year older .. and aging beautifully..

Define mother: A mother is a biological and a social female parent of an offspring. Hmm ..so true but so incomplete. How I can even try to define her when I know for sure that there is so much to her and there are countless roles she has played all throughout her life and most importantly my life. You think its easy to raise a child like me ..Man! I wouldn't want me as my daughter, so selfish so ungrateful so greedy. The first memory I ever remember as a child is when my mom baked me this huge cake, shaped like a cat for my (some number) birthday. It was not easy coz u had to make round shaped cake three times... one for the head, one for the stomach and one for the ears and tail. And I remember helping her by putting all the gems on the side..I think that was the last day I ever helped her doing anything. Well all my birthdays have been the most amazing birthdays ever .. coz every year all my 12 friends came home .. and we had a blast. And I was so grateful to them coz they came all the way even when they had exams approaching but there was this one person in the background who I never thanked, to keep all my birthdays a surprise, cooking all the food, and making milkshake and ice-cream for everyone. Oh she has done it all.. without a word, without a complaint, without yelling. You know I have never heard my mom raising her voice and hence my friend you see the outcome of it ... "A brat like me". So selfless that she is ..every new perfume, new shade of the nail polish , new shoes, new make up kit was first filtered by me ..as in you know I took all the good stuff and all she said was "You keep whatever you like, its all for you". I see all these people mention their mothers as their friend ...you think they could tell their mom which guys/girls they liked or dated...or had the nerve to tell her what time they came home last night ...or who they actually went out with!! Well I never had to lie to her ..coz she made my life so easy .. she trusts me ... she loves me and will stand by me no matter what. Time spent with her just seems different .. I know everyone thinks "My Mommy Loveliest" but I guess that's the beauty of a "Mother". No one can replace one. If I have to be selfish and greedy ..I would want her all for myself. Today for her birthday, I promise I will give her least of the troubles..will obey her ..will treat her the way she should be ...marry the guy she wants me to... try to be an amazing cook..just like she is and come really really close to, being a "Mother" like her.

Happy Birthday ,
your ungrateful but loving daughter,
Janu

In this moment forever, forever and ever

People say there is no such thing as soul mate, and that what we call "love" is just need, lust or attraction.But I still live in a world, where waiting for your soul mate is not just a waste of time, where fairy tales exist and the prince charming will come riding on a horse and take me to the far away land. I am 23 years old and I still am desperately waiting to find the "perfect one". She says I will never get a nice maharashtrian guy,who dresses in branded clothes, looks amazing, talks well and loves me like crazy. But who knows may be I'll get awfully close..so close that his religion or looks for that matter, will just be an unchecked entry in my list. He says just settle for the next guy who asks you out ... settle , hmm that's something i don't plan to do, not now and not even when I am a 60 year old spinster still waiting for my betrothed. Who knows I might just meet someone at the "nana nani park" sitting on the bench waiting for someone like me. Experiencing infatuation's, happiness and hurt is just a part the game I love to play. But the ultimate feeling of excitement,craziness and extreme is yet a feeling to be discovered. Did you ever love someone, where it just didn't matter if he loved you back coz all you wanted to do is express how much you feel. Did u ever love someone so much, where distance, time and the world were just words so easy to say and forget. Did u ever feel, waiting for hours together was an amazing feeling, just knowing your gonna see him by the end of it or the time spent, were the moments you'd never forget. Did u ever dance in the rain or kissed under the moon or sang to each other even when singing was just not an career option. Did u ever miss someone so much that you couldn't see yourself without him coz he is the only one who completes you and his absence just made you believe that "This is a short time compared to the time your gonna be together.So hang in there". Wouldn't you wanna be with someone who loved your smile, your hair and everything about you ..even when your in your worst.. where dressing up is just a formality coz he will love you no matter what. You know you want someone when the romantic comedies are not just another movie your watching .. they just started to make sense again...Well I set myself out to feel and live these moments and find my perfect soul mate..and if u think I have signed up for way too much ..well that's just the chance I would have to take.

Signed
A Hopeless romantic